My son was frustrated because of me.
It was me.
I was the cause.
It is very funny, I have seen the similar things in many occasions before within other mothers and I thought I was not like that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to worry about my son.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to think that I have to do something to support my son.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed to enjoy my son fully.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to offend my son so long without knowing it myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to take my son as not good enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to abuse my son verbally with my special attitude.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to show my son often that I am superior than him as a person.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to hurt my son with no intention to hurt him.
I realized it while I was in the garden cutting the tree branches.
Thanks trees and everything!
2011年1月25日火曜日
mother and son relationship
The preprogramed system is deep rooted because it was well set in our physical body.
Our body have the set up system built in and we think that is ourselves. The system is actually us. However life is beyond the system.
"We are the problem and solution." this is how it is.
And I've been experiencing the intricate design of it within myself through my son. The system set up under the relationship between mother and son is rather deeper and harder to grasp, that is what I realized.
OK. I wrote till here, then my son came in so I went to fix him some breakfast and he started the argument.
And now I'm back at my computer.
While I was with him, I was calm but reacted and forgotten all about the support I was thinking about and just protecting my position. In fact, the idea of giving him my support came up clearly only last night when I was writing my diary.
After our talking was over and he went back to his room, I realized that I was selfish and not supportive, so I apologized to him. Practically living life is very different from just thinking.
And I realized now that interacting with people especially family members is so effective to see myself.
Thanks.
Our body have the set up system built in and we think that is ourselves. The system is actually us. However life is beyond the system.
"We are the problem and solution." this is how it is.
And I've been experiencing the intricate design of it within myself through my son. The system set up under the relationship between mother and son is rather deeper and harder to grasp, that is what I realized.
OK. I wrote till here, then my son came in so I went to fix him some breakfast and he started the argument.
And now I'm back at my computer.
While I was with him, I was calm but reacted and forgotten all about the support I was thinking about and just protecting my position. In fact, the idea of giving him my support came up clearly only last night when I was writing my diary.
After our talking was over and he went back to his room, I realized that I was selfish and not supportive, so I apologized to him. Practically living life is very different from just thinking.
And I realized now that interacting with people especially family members is so effective to see myself.
Thanks.
2011年1月24日月曜日
Fear of being cold
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to fear being cold.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to dislike feeling cold.
I realized that I have accepted and allowed the coldness to limit my activity, I justified my doing little things because the cold weather in here, also was not one with the cold air around me.
I do not fear the cold weather.
What fearing of cold did to me was that made me feel much much colder. ^^;
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to dislike feeling cold.
I realized that I have accepted and allowed the coldness to limit my activity, I justified my doing little things because the cold weather in here, also was not one with the cold air around me.
I do not fear the cold weather.
What fearing of cold did to me was that made me feel much much colder. ^^;
2011年1月23日日曜日
Writing reveals myself
Through writing it is easier to see myself. I experienced this and I know it.
How about putting my writing out in the public, what does it do?
I am not sure what it does but I do not consider it right here, because I know the answer I figured out after giving some effort to obtain it is mind fucked. I just know the answer will come someday unexpectedly if I am with my breath, being self honest, staying right here with myself.
Mariko
How about putting my writing out in the public, what does it do?
I am not sure what it does but I do not consider it right here, because I know the answer I figured out after giving some effort to obtain it is mind fucked. I just know the answer will come someday unexpectedly if I am with my breath, being self honest, staying right here with myself.
Mariko
2011年1月22日土曜日
I checked words
Until right here when I am started writing my first blog, I encountered many points related to fear of making mistakes.
When I had to put the title of my blog, I was not very sure about the spelling of 'write', such a simple word,
and actually checked the word on line.
I do not want to make mistakes.
I do not want people to think I am not capable writing in English.
I want to show how good I am.
I can see myself that I have Ego trying to manipulate who and how I am,
and I did allow myself to move according to Ego's preference.
I forgive myself to accept and allow fear making mistakes.
I forgive myself to accept and allow fear how people think about me.
I forgive myself to accept and allow fear showing every parts of me to people.
At this moment I am checking what I wrote so far, and I know why I am doing this so carefully.
It is my Ego, it stays and try so hard fixing my position.
Although I can see that I am under the the control of my Ego, I am still allowing the Ego to manipulate me. And, that is deception. I was deceiving myself.
I realized.
I forgive myself to allow and accept the Ego to manipulate me, because I thought I can not get along well with the society without the Ego.
Thanks!
Mariko
When I had to put the title of my blog, I was not very sure about the spelling of 'write', such a simple word,
and actually checked the word on line.
I do not want to make mistakes.
I do not want people to think I am not capable writing in English.
I want to show how good I am.
I can see myself that I have Ego trying to manipulate who and how I am,
and I did allow myself to move according to Ego's preference.
I forgive myself to accept and allow fear making mistakes.
I forgive myself to accept and allow fear how people think about me.
I forgive myself to accept and allow fear showing every parts of me to people.
At this moment I am checking what I wrote so far, and I know why I am doing this so carefully.
It is my Ego, it stays and try so hard fixing my position.
Although I can see that I am under the the control of my Ego, I am still allowing the Ego to manipulate me. And, that is deception. I was deceiving myself.
I realized.
I forgive myself to allow and accept the Ego to manipulate me, because I thought I can not get along well with the society without the Ego.
Thanks!
Mariko
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